I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't really been following your every move lately. I'd like to say that it isn't personal but I guess it really is. This year hasn't been very good for you.

Don't get me wrong. I still think you're the jelly to my peanut butter but I can't stomach this whole Reese thing. I thought you'd keep this publicity stunt going just long enough to promote Rendition but you've gone off the deep end.

You haven't been yourself. People, US Weekly and all those other rags keep trying to tell me you and Reese are smitten with each other but I know better. That look in your eye when you two are together surely doesn't seem like love to me - it more resembles fear. Actually, more like terror.

You've been giving horrible interviews too. Like when you were on Jonathan Ross' show. I could see the dark storm clouds orbiting your pretty little head. I know you got worried with the whole gay thing and his flamboyant singers but honestly it's almost 2008 - it would be safe to come out. And then you punched some paparazzi too! Well, I guess those bastards deserve to get hit every now and then but that really isn't you.

I'm hoping you figure it all out in 2008. I'll still be your biggest fan even if you make terrible movies again. Like Bubble Boy. And I'm not that wounded that you never returned my call. I guess you got busy.

Talking about 2008, I'm really digging that bad boy look you've got for your new film.

I've always been a sucker for tattoos. Yes, I know it is not really real but you might consider really getting inked. I've never really liked that silly dragon you have on your back anyways.

I hope you got the birthday card in the mail. According to our charts we should make a great couple, as I've been telling you for years. Aries + Sagittarius = match made in heaven.

Well, I'll try to get excited about following your every move again but until you dump Reese and make Chris move out I can't make any promises. That new film, Brothers, better be good.

P.S. - You really should reach out to Heath. I know you enjoyed making Brokeback Mountain with him and if you haven't seen him in awhile he's not doing so well. I think they call him a hobosexual now. That's just one letter away from what most people call you. Give him a call.